meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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