I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The feeling are messing with the penis
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
