you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
