I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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