You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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