One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
