I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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