I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
