i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
