my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
