I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Send help, water and tortillas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
