i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
