I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
