Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
