I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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