R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
