is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
