She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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