I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
