We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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