Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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