You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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