It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize