Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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