the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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