Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
