Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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