i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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