My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
