I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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