my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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