Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
