What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there was a trapeze. enough said
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
