He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
