obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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