here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
