I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize