My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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