I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
