Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
