I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
