theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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