i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
