So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
