great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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