I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
