Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
