Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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