so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
