Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
