she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
