My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
