Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize