Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
