i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize