is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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