After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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