sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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