You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
