rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
