I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize