i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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