whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
