I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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