a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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