Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is Oprah even human
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
