He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My penis needs a shock collar
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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