im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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