youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
