I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
