Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
