Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
