She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
