I cannot find my penis.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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